November 2009
72 posts
mliaverage:
Today, I set up a voice password on my laptop. Now I can only get on it when I say “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” and log off when I say “Mischief managed”. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was playing cards with my dad. When suddenly he stopped, got really quiet and grabbed a fly out of mid-air. He then started playing cards again like nothing happened. I’m proud to know my dads a ninja. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, was 9.9.09. September has 9 letters. Wednesday has 9 letters. It’s the 252nd day of the year, which adds up to equal 9. However, today was an average day. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I mistyped my friend’s phone number when sending a text, and ending up talking with a complete stranger for 20 minutes. We had an intense conversation about the importance of Defense Against the Dark Arts in Hogwart’s curriculum. Even though I totally forgot to text my actual friend, I think I just met my soul mate. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I looked at my watch. I didn’t actually check what time it was, so I looked again. Now I know what time it is. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was sitting in mass. All of a sudden, I noticed a little boy crawling up the center aisle towards the alter. His dad then ran up, grabbed him, and stormed out while the boy yelled “BUT I LOVE GOD!” You go, future priest. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was in line at the grocery store, telling my friend about how the bad weather was making me depressed and hopeless. The old man in front of us must have overheard because bought me a bar of chocolate and said “for the Dementors”. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I turned turned on my phone to realize that someone had changed all of my contacts names to characters from Harry Potter. I have been texting Draco Malfoy all day and have no idea of his real identity. I can’t even be mad at the mastermind behind all this. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today my elderly neighbor asked me to house-sit for the weekend. Though instead of giving me any contact numbers or codes she gave me a small slip of paper containing her facebook email and password. When I asked her why she said that she wanted me to check her farmville account and make sure that at 5:30 I harvest her strawberries so they won’t wilt. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Yesterday, my little sister lost a tooth, and she told me not to tell our mom. She wanted to see if the tooth faerie was real. I didn’t want to lie to her, so that night, I went into her room and snuck three dollars under her pillow. I felt like a good older sister. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was online for 6 hours on AIM, so I went “Invisible” so people didn’t think I was online all the time. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, a new kid joined our class. He has a posh British accent, the type of accent you may find on an old childrens show where they are reading you a story. He narrated my life for an hour. It was awesome. MLIA.
mliaverage:
This week I’ve been staying at a fancy hotel. When the maids clean the bathroom they fold the bottoms of the toilet paper into fancy triangles. Every time I use the bathroom now, I fold the ends of the toilet paper into triangles. I like to think the maids think I am a super human who never uses the bathroom. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was woken up by two Jehovah Witnesses standing at my door, half way through their 15 minute speech on Jesus I realized I wasn’t wearing pants. MLIA
mliaverage:
A German man came into work today. His name was Herman. I called him Herman the German. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my four year old cousin and I were at the park. A boy came and told her she looked like Hannah Montanna. She kicked him. I’m glad she knows an insult when she see’s one. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was feeling particularly mischievous, so I decided to mess with my mom. I put on dark red pajamas, the same color as her bedspread, and positioned myself behind her pillows. She turned on the TV, got into bed, and as soon as her head hit the pillow, I said “Hey! Watch where you put that thing!” She jumped out of bed, screamed, and only after a few minutes did she realize...
mliaverage:
Today, I was going on an underground tour of a city. Before the tour, a five-year-old boy asked the guide if the underground parts would be cold. The guide responded with, “Well, you’re going to be one floor closer to hell, so you decide.” This made my day. MLIA
mliaverage:
Last night I stayed over at a friend’s house. When I woke up to go to the bathroom, I was thoroughly confused when she told me not get lost. As it turns out, during the night I had slept walked to the bathroom but then went downstairs into her parent’s room and pulled off their comforter, telling them it was on fire and I was saving them. Her dad peed himself. Her mom said she’d...
mliaverage:
Today, I woke up abruptly in the night. Why? An Owl smashed into my window. I’m waiting Hogwarts. I’m waiting. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my mom and I were walking out of a grocery store with a guy carrying our groceries for us. When we got to our car, she said ‘We’ll have to put it in the backseat, I’ve got a lot of junk in my trunk’. I silently laughed as the grocery carrier said ‘What’re you going to do with all that junk…All that junk inside your trunk?’ My mom had no idea what happened, and proceeded to...
mliaverage:
Today, a little kid that looked to be about five came up to me. He asked me,”Wanna see me run to China and back?” I said yes, thinking he was going to stand in the same spot and say,”Wanna see me do it again?”. Instead, he ran down the street and disappeared from sight. I haven’t seen him since. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I decided to wear the Death Eater halloween mask around while driving. I pulled up to a stoplight to see a car with a Harry, Ron, Luna, and Ginny all piled in. I revved my engine to get their attention, and as they looked over the light turned green. He made a face of absolute horror, and then hit the gas. His license plate read XPLRMUS. Well played, Potter. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Yesterday, I was home sick, so I had to get a signed note from my parents explaining why I was absent. My dad said that if I wrote the note saying I was out sick, he would just sign it. I wrote: “Please excuse Kip Mcmillan for being absent from school on October 29th. She was busy fighting crime.” He signed it. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I went to a series of medical-related talks for work. Almost everything that I actually understood was from watching House. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today we got to dress up for halloween at school. My male teacher was a woman. He even had boobs made out of balloons. In the middle of his lesson he trys to cross his arms and cant find a place for them. He then asks “how do you girls do it? Where do your arms go, I cant figure this out!” Im still laughing. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today I dressed up as Bellatrix Lestrange. Because my school has a strict policy on no weapons, a teacher told me he would have to take away my wand. I started to protest, so he told me that if I had a good reason for it not being a weapon, I could keep it. I said I didn’t know any killing curses yet. This was accepted as a valid excuse. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today my friends and I found a pink window marker and were considering making my unicorn costume into a dead unicorn, the pink marker being the blood. As we were laughing, my dad, out of nowhere, interrupted and said in all seriousness, “Unicorn blood is silver. Duh.” Never have I been so proud. MLIA
Today, my sister and I were watching the fifth...
(via omgharrypotter)
mliaverage:
Today, I was having trouble opening the door at my school. I got really frustrated so I hit the door and said, “Open Sesame.” A kid in grade four came over and seeing my struggles, hit the door himself and said, “Alohamora.” He smiled and pushed the door open without any problems. I now truly believe in magic. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my family was going out to lunch, and we were stopped at stoplight. At that intersection, there is an electronic billboard. It changed to a sign that said, “Hey, kid. Stop picking your nose.” I turned to laugh about it with my sister only to see her frozen with her finger half up her nose. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I was unlocking my dorm room when two of the building’s security officers walked by. I wasn’t paying attention to them until I heard one say, “-if they ask, I’ll just tell them I’m a Muggle.” I am now convinced my dorm has protection from wizards, and therefore feel much safer. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my brother broke a silver sharpie and showed his ink-covered hands to our sister, who had just watched the first harry potter movie, and told her he had killed a unicorn. It’s been 10 hours and she still won’t look him in the eye. My brother is 19 and my sister 20. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was in French class reading sentences and we had to guess what words meant. When the word la vérité came up, everyone was stumped, but I raised my hand and asked if it meant truth. It did. My teacher was so impressed that I had used context clues and english derivatives. Too bad I guessed based on ‘veritaserum’ from Harry Potter. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I was walking my newly addopted dog for the first time. When I got her from the shelter, they warned me that she was “difficult to walk”. Apparently, by difficult to walk, they ment that she likes to pounce on every crunchy leaf she sees. I see no problem here, except that she beats me to them. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I got pulled over on my way home by a cop. He asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, and I responded, “Because you want to invite me to the Police Officer’s Ball?” He then replied, “No ma’am, police officers don’t have balls”. MLIA
mliaverage:
At my school, the teachers are required to write the daily objectives on the board. Today, in math class, I got bored and decided to see what we were supposed to be learning that day. Our objective for the day: “the student will learn how to defeat the Dark Lord.” I think I’m the only person who noticed. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, my teacher asked us all to raise our right hands and repeat after her. She started to say “I solemnly swear.” then waited for us to repeat it. We all repeated it, then every single kid in the class added “that I am up to no good.” I still have no idea what she wanted us to swear in the first place. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, the guy who sits in front of me fell asleep in class. I drew on the back of his neck and he never woke up. He walked around school for over 4 hours with “follow me to narnia” written across the back of his neck and never even questioned why people kept following him to class. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was driving behind my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls over. I do the same and am utterly bewildered as he runs out of his car and pulls me out of mine. He then grabs my hand and we take off running.. and jumping into a giant pile of leaves he saw on the side of the road. I do believe I will be keeping him around. MLIA.
mliaverage:
When I was little I would write my initials on my one dollar bills before I spent them. Today, I bought a cup of coffee and my change included a dollar bill with my initials in the corner. I’ve waited 10 years for this to happen. It’s bound to be a good day. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I ordered burritos online to pick up at Freeb!rds. I put the order name under ‘Voldemort’ just for fun. When I got home to eat, I pulled out my burrito and it said ‘He who must not be named’ on top. I’m still smiling. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I went to go get the rubber bands changed on my third set of braces. It was a new orthodontist, so when I told him I wanted red and gold, I was expecting him to say “McDonalds?” like the last three orthodontist I had. He looked at me with a straight face and said “Gryffindor?” I think I found my permanant orthodontist. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I had a test. This really obnoxious boy (who always finishes first and brags about how smart he is) said in a loud voice “Well THAT was ridiculously easy.” The look on his face when the teacher appeared behind him and said “So was your mom last night” was priceless. MLIA
mliaverage:
The other day I was in the library studying. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two very pregnant women waking towards each other really happy to see each other. Instead of hugging they lightly bumped their bellies together like a fist bump. I hope their kids know how awesome their mothers are. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was going into my english class when I realised that somebody had written ‘dumble’ on the door. I was in a good mood for the rest of the day.MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was at the mall with my mom and little siblings. We were checking a map trying to find a new store, my little sister couldn’t figure out where we were so I pointed out the “You Are Here” sticker. her eye’s got really big, she looked around and said. “How do they know where we are?” I nearly peed my pants. MLIA.
mliaverage:
A little while ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my sister, mom, and dad. When the movie characters raised their wands at the end to remember Dumbledore, my dad slowly raised his drinking straw, and was followed by the entire filled IMAX theater. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I realized that Microsoft Word puts the red squiggly line under “Ravenclaw” “Hufflepuff” and “Slytherin” … but not “Gryffindor”. 100 points to Gryffindor. MLIA.